Lost Boy
by BlackBear53
Summary: Before Callen was even an adult he had a job. He considered it an important job. This story came about because Gwen, my g-daughter let me listen to Lost Boys by Ruth B. It drew me in and compelled me to write this. Thank you Ruth B., for the song, Gwen for sharing it with me, and Shane Brennan for giving me great characters to play with.
1. Chapter 1

**Lost Boy**

I sat hunched between a soggy cardboard box and a dumpster behind a Chinese restaurant on Sycamore Street in downtown Los Angeles. Tears were coursing down my young face and because Mother Nature decided to be a bitch that day, those tears were mixed with the slow drizzle she decided to deliver. My clothes were soaked as were all my beliefs in family. I'd been out on the street for two days and it didn't look like I'd be going home anytime soon. I was cold, wet and really hungry.

My new step-dad, Robert, was the reason I'd been out here for two days. Before he married my mom he seemed to be a nice guy. That all changed after they were married. He would cuddle me and it never felt right. Then he started to move his hands in places, that even at six years old, I knew were not right. I tried telling my mom and she didn't believe me. I tried keeping my distance from him. That didn't work. He always wanted to "tickle" me. He'd done it before and it didn't tickle, it hurt. He had held me down on my bed and "tickled" me. I didn't want that to happen again so I said no and walked away. He grabbed me from behind and slammed me against the wall and began slapping and punching me. The pummeling stopped when I kicked him and ran. I'd never seen him so angry so I ran out the door and hadn't stopped running for two days.

I was tired and while I knew I should keep moving my small body needed to rest. Black and blue marks had formed on my upper body and arms. I needed to stop and recoup whatever energy I had left. The alley, dumpster and cardboard box looked good as a hiding place. The evening had turned cooler as well as having the rain fall and I began to feel the chill. My body did the only thing it could, shiver. My eyelids closed from exhaustion and the next thing I knew a hand took mine. I felt frightened thinking that Robert had found me. I almost didn't open my eyes. I must have just about jumped out of my skin, however, for the next thing I knew another hand took hold of my shoulder. The touch was tender and caring, not vicious, so I opened my eyes.

I looked up to see a young teen-age boy of about fifteen. He was smiling at me in a way that reassured me that I had nothing to fear from him. He put his finger to his lips as if to say 'be quiet' and then he motioned to me to follow him. My little body had stiffened sitting on the ground for so long that I had a hard time getting up. He reached back for me and helped me to a standing position. He was a gentle soul intent on helping me. His smile was warm and his eyes so inviting that I had no problem smiling back into those blue eyes of his.

We left that alley from the exit away from the main street. We covered several other streets and ended up in an older, boarded up house that seemed to be abandoned. I say seemed because while the outside looked ready for the wrecking ball, the inside had been cleaned and well kept. The furnishings were of scavenged pieces from curbsides, but all of it was in good condition.

He left me in the kitchen while he went looking for something. When he returned he carried a t-shirt and socks to wear. He gave me a towel and showed me where the bathroom was. "Go change and give me your wet clothes to wash and get ready for you later. What's your name?"

I didn't answer him right away. He pointed to the bathroom and I went to clean up and get out of my wet clothes. While I had changed, he started a can of chicken soup for me. As he closed the cabinet above the stove I noticed many cans of food in there. The refrigerator stood close by and he poured a glass of milk for me. "Gabrielle, my name is Gabrielle."

He gave me that warm smile again and sat down next to me. "Well Gabrielle, my name is Callen. It's nice to meet you. How old are you?"

I looked into those eyes of his and knew I could trust him. I don't know how I knew this but I did. All I knew is that I didn't feel like I was in any danger. "I'm six. How old are you? What is this place?"

He chuckled a bit. "I'm fifteen and I guess you could call this Neverland."

My face must have shown my confusion. "Neverland?"

He rose to get my soup. "Yeah, like in Peter Pan. What were you doing in that alley?" He brought my soup to me. As he placed the old cracked bowl on that table and a spoon, he seemed to wait for my answer. He reached out and tousled my hair. It was kind of like having a big brother.

I began to eat my soup hoping to leave the discussion of the alley and Robert for later.

He sat back down across from me. "You are free to stay in Neverland. All I ask is that you clean up after yourself and not bother other people's stuff. There are two other boys staying here. They are at school now. You'll go tomorrow. I have an arrangement with a retired teacher and she'll love having a little girl there. Eat your soup and I'll take care of your clothes and a place for you to sleep."

I dug into that soup and soon the bowl was empty and my eyelids grew heavy. I fell asleep in that chair but woke up in another room in a small bed. The room was tiny but tidy and there was a dresser up against the wall. There were two towels and a facecloth on top and a cute little lamp on the nightstand next to the bed. It almost felt like I was back in my own room at home but it was different at the same time. My own clothes sat atop the dresser so I got dressed in them.

I had no idea how long I'd slept, but I felt much better because of the sleep. I went out to use the bathroom and then I began investigating my new home. There were two floors. The second floor had three bedrooms and a bathroom. I had one of them and the others were set up in a dormitory way. Each room had two sets of bunk beds but only one room had signs that someone lived there. Callen had said there were two boys living in the house with us. The other bedroom looked like it was waiting for inhabitants.

I slipped down the stairway to the first floor where I knew the kitchen was. The living room had hand-me-down furniture that had been cleaned for use here, a dining room with a large table that twelve people could eat at and another bedroom. There were no furnishings, just a duffle bag and a bedroll. The duffle bag had a name on it, "G Callen." I wondered why he didn't have a bed. He deserved one.

I heard the back door open and then Callen entered the living room. "You're awake! I'd like you to meet someone."

A small woman with dark hair, came around him and gave me a once over. She smiled at me and looked at Callen. "She is adorable." She turned back to speak to me. "Gabrielle, it's nice to meet you. Mr. Callen crack open the cookies and make some tea please. We all need to talk."

Callen walked back into the kitchen to do her bidding. My small mind wondered if she was his mom. Why would she call him Mr. then? "My name is Henrietta Lange…you may call me Hetty." She gave me another long look through those round glasses that she wore. "How did you come to be in that alley?"

My first reaction was to run. I didn't want to tell anyone about Robert and his tickling never mind this strange woman. I told her a small bit. "My mom married a bad man."

Hetty reached out for my hand and in the process saw the bruising that had risen on my arms. "Did he do this?"

I sensed that Callen had trusted her enough to bring her here. "He hurts me. He tries to touch me in places that he shouldn't. I kicked him and ran. I didn't want him to hurt me again. Did I do something wrong? You won't send me back there, will you?"

Hetty rose from her chair and sat on the couch next to me. "I have to talk with your mom. She needs to know where you are and why you are here. I will keep you here to protect you, but while you're here you need to help Mr. Callen and the other boys keep the house neat and your own things put away. There may be other chores as well. Do you understand?"

I nodded in response to her question but the idea of Robert knowing where I was scared me to death. "What if my mother wants me back right away? What if she doesn't believe me about Robert? What will I do then?"

Miss Lange squeezed my hand. "I won't let anything happen to you and neither will Mr. Callen.

Right on cue Callen entered with a teapot, two tea cups, a glass of milk, a creamer and a sugar bowl. He'd opened the cookies in the kitchen and placed them on a small plate. When he set them on the coffee table Hetty offered me some and the glass of milk. She began speaking again. "I have no intention of returning you until Robert is gone so you have no worries. Besides no one seems to be looking for you, yet. Eat up, those cookies are not going to stay here forever. The other boys will be here soon and the cookies will be gone."

We sat and ate cookies and drank tea and milk for a while. Miss Lange got up to leave and motioned for Callen to follow her into the kitchen. "Keep a good watch on her. Her step-father will want her back if for no other reason as to keep her quiet. See that it doesn't happen and I will talk with the mother. She may decide to leave her with us to keep her safe. Till tomorrow Mr. Callen."

Callen knew what he had to do. "Good Night Hetty."

I stayed in that house for two more years. My mother was told where I was and that I was safe. She visited every week and she felt grateful that I was safe and not at the hands of a predator. She started the divorce process but in the end she didn't have to continue. Robert was caught with a child and arrested for pedophilia. It seemed that his fellow prisoners didn't care for pedophiles and because of their treatment of him he committed suicide. My mother was free and so was I.

Callen and I became close during those two years. He called me his little sister and I enjoyed having an older brother. About the time I left he was graduating from high school and heading off to college. Another boy who'd arrived before me took over Callen's post. He was a good choice for the job.

Hetty came around less often. Callen told me that she was spending more and more time out of the country. When the time came for my mom to take me home Hetty came home to see me off. She referred to me as her little one. Now when I think of it I find it amusing.

I said good bye to my adoptive family and went home with my mom. I missed them all.


	2. Chapter 2

Part II

My life after Neverland gave me hope but only after much needed therapy. My mom also entered counseling when I returned home and after a while she began dating again, taking it real slow. She took it easy and carefully. She soon started dating a man by the name of Jason. He seemed nice but so had Robert before she married him. I'd learned that lesson so I reserved judgement of him until much later.

Mom married Jason two years later and he turned out to be a wonderful man, a good father figure for me and a great provider for his family.

Around the time I turned twelve, my mom gave birth to Jacob, my little brother. He became the apple of my eye. I helped my mom with him from the time he was born. It was a joy for me being there for him. While being a big sister I also kept up with my studies which made mom and Jason extremely happy.

When Jacob reached the age of five he began having problems with his breathing. My parents took him to the Children's Hospital of Los Angeles for tests. It didn't turn out to be good. He was diagnosed with a severe type of Asthma. It tore my family to bits, but we adjusted to it. We had him get involved with a group of children who bore the same illness as Jacob and he made some very strong friendships.

Being seventeen is a tough time for a high school student with proms, studying and their friends. I gladly gave it up to help at home and be with Jacob.

One Thursday afternoon, I'd just got home from school and the doorbell rang. I expected it to be a delivery of medication for Jacob, but it wasn't. A tall good looking man stood there. He wore a grey suit and a dark blue shirt. "Yes, can I help you?"

His face turned into a smirk. "You don't remember me?"

His voice was so familiar and his eyes, wait I knew those eyes and that smirk. "Callen?"

He reached for me and I ran into his hug. "What are you doing here?"

I invited him into our home and into the kitchen. My mom and Jacob were out at a playdate with one of his friends from his group. "Cup of tea?" When I pulled out the tea ball and the teapot his left brow shot up almost to his hair line and since he wore a butch hair cut… well you know. I took a closer look at him. He was dressed in a nice suit and shirt but wore a bit of scruff. He looked good. "What are you doing here?" I hadn't seen him in nine years so I curiosity was killing the cat.

The tea kettle whistled and he poured the water into the pot. "Hetty keeps track of 'her children', as she calls them. She let me know about your brother. I thought you might need some help, so here I am."

It touched my heart that he'd come and that Hetty still looked over me and my family. "Thank you so much for coming. I guess I really do need my big brother. How long are you here for?"

He took my hand like he did back in that alley so long ago. "As long as you need me."

He stayed for the next two months. He gave me moral support during the time when Jacob went downhill suddenly. We lost Jacob just before Callen left.

When Jacob died my mother and I were devastated. Jason pulled away from the family for a while. He came back to us just before the funeral and I think that Callen had something to do with it. While mom and Jason were crashing and burning, Callen helped them keep it together. He stood next to me at the funeral and when they lowered Jacob into the ground he held me while I cried. I swore that I'd do it for him some day.

Callen left a week later to go back to work in Washington D.C. where he worked for the FBI. I missed him the moment he left.

What neither of us knew at the time was that Hetty had sent him here to hide him from an enemy that he didn't know he had: Alexi Comescu.


	3. Chapter 3

left Part III

Losing Jacob had left a big hole in my life. I filled it slowly with friends, classes at school and ballroom dancing lessons, where I met a boy by the name of Carlos. It wasn't romantic, at least not on my part. We were friends that danced together, studied together and just hung out. We hung together for a year, graduated high school and went off to college. We split up to go our separate ways, or so I thought.

After a semester at school Carlos showed up at my dorm door. He asked me to go out for coffee and since I needed a break I said yes. We left my dorm and went to the coffee house at the end of the street. The moment we sat down and ordered Carlos started in asking about dancing, dates and seeing each other more often. I really didn't care to do this. He's a nice guy just not one I am going to fall in love with. I tried to explain that to him but he wouldn't buy it. He got agitated and I sensed more anger building. I chose it as my time to go. I rose, threw money on the table to pay for my tea. Carlos wouldn't have it. He grabbed my arm. "You're not leaving me."

I flipped out. "We are not a couple, nor have we ever been a couple. We've been friends, period, the end. You will let go of me and I'm going home. We're done."

He still held onto my arm but the look on his face bordered between angry and dangerous. I realized at that moment how little I knew about him. I had no idea of his home life, just his wonderful ability to dance and that frightened me.

A voice behind me quickened my heart. "You heard the lady. Let her go."

Carlos looked over my shoulder at the man behind me. "Who are you, old man?"

The voice moved around me and grabbed Carlos' hand that held me. I watched as Carlos flinched and pulled his hand away. "My name isn't important. Your behavior towards the young lady is. She asked you to leave her alone. Do it." Carlos backed away rubbing his hand. "I'm leaving now but we will talk."

Relieved but still irate, I responded. "No…stay away from me. I said we're done and I mean it."

Carlos turned on his heel and left the restaurant.

I looked up at my savior and smiled. "Thanks for saving me yet again. What are you, my guardian angel?" I stopped and really looked at him. "Hey, what are you doing in Los Angeles?"

He sat down across from me and the waitress came over to the table. He asked if I'd had my tea yet. I shook my head no. He looked at the waitress and ordered decaf tea, English Breakfast and two of their cinnamon buns. The waitress hurried away with the order.

His gaze returned to me. Those blue eyes are ones that I'd never forget. "To saving you, your welcome." He laughed out loud. "Am I your guardian angel? Angel is not a term that most people who know me would ever use while referring to me. What am I doing in Los Angeles? I live here now. I transferred from DC to here but I'm considering a job change." He gave me that big brother look that he used when I was little. I saw the younger boy in those eyes. "I saw you come in with that guy and was about to say hello when he grabbed you. You handled him well by the way. I'm proud of you."

The waitress returned with our order and we ate the cinnamon buns and drank our tea in silence. I'd wondered during tough periods in the last past few years what had made him do the things that he'd done. Taking children off the street, that's a pretty dangerous and courageous thing to do for a young boy. Who exactly was Hetty Lange anyway? Why did she set up Neverland? "Callen, all those years ago, what made you collect the Lost Boys and Girls?"

He peered over the lip of his teacup at me. His eyes showed astonishment at the question and I could see him ponder just what his answer should be. There seemed to be a moment of mental juggling as if he didn't know what to tell me and I saw the moment he decided what to tell me. He took another sip of his tea and placed his cup back on the saucer. "I once was a Lost Boy and at times I truly think some days that I am still. I have no family that I know of except Hetty and I'm not really related to her. She took me in just after I turned fifteen. I'd been in trouble with the law and if not for her I'd probably be in prison or dead. She'd already put the house together because she didn't think that the city was doing enough for the lost children. Most of those children stayed there until they were old enough to take care of themselves. Some are here in college with you, thanks to Hetty. She just needed someone to help run it and find children to live there. That was my job and life. All I needed to do was keep up my education as well. If I slipped someone else would have my job. I didn't want to give it up to anyone else so I did what I had to. No one else would understand what it felt like to be out on those streets as a young child. At least that's what I thought then and maybe I still do."

Somehow that answer didn't quite fulfill my need to know more about him. "What happened to get you in trouble with the law? How did you get to that point in your life?" I thought about what I'd asked him. "If you don't want to tell me you don't have to. I'd just like to know more about you."

He sat forward in his chair and put his hands together like a steeple. He touched his forehead with his hands.

I saw the anguish that my question had caused him. "You don't have to answer. I appreciate you for who you are and what part you've played in my life."

He shook his head with a silent no. "You asked a question that I've been running from for many years, long before we met. I never really answered it when Hetty asked but she knew part of it. I don't really want to talk about it here though. There are too many eyes and ears here. Can we go to the beach to talk? The movement of the water always calms my mind."

A great wall of sorrow fell around us. "Sure, I'll go to the beach with you."

He gave me one of his handsome smiles. "Great. It's time that I shared it with you. Let's go. My car is out front." He picked up my money from the table and gave it back to me. "My treat. College students don't have much money. Keep it." With that he took my hand and lead me to his car.


	4. Chapter 4

Part IV

The drive to Venice Beach was quiet but Callen's nerves weren't. You could almost hear his thoughts as he argued internally about this decision. The idea of sharing his past with someone tore him apart. He spent the entire ride tapping on the steering wheel. His reactions to the other drivers weren't his usual quiet approach. I watched his face as some driver made a poor choice. He never spoke; instead it was a visceral expression of his silent rage. I began to worry about his mood. I'd never seen him this way and I felt that my questions had pushed him to this. I felt ashamed of doing this to him after he'd saved me yet again.

I'd never been to Venice Beach but Callen had lived here on the streets and he said that he'd lived in a seedy apartment right off the beach for a while. I found it funny, oh not in a ha-ha way but just didn't seem right for him. He is a taciturn, private person. He didn't seem like the kind of man who could live in the carnival atmosphere that pervaded the boardwalk.

He parked the car and grabbed a blanket from the backseat. The beach was dark and very empty except for the lovers walking the beach in the moonlight. We walked the sand in silence to the halfway point between the water and the sidewalk where he spread the blanket. The waves would cover the sound of his voice and keep it from carrying to the others.

We sat on the beach looking at the waves for ten minutes or so before he started speaking and it happened so abruptly and quietly that I almost missed it. "I didn't know my parents and I still don't know where I was born. I have no idea where I belong. Since I first learned to use a computer I've searched for them to no avail. I'm not even sure that G Callen is my real name." He held that thought for a few moments as he watched the ocean move in front of him. "This is what I live with every day."

His face was a study of all the pain he felt, his voice full of sorrow and I'd caused it. I felt a tear move down my cheek. "I'm so sorry."

He gave a sad chuckle. "Don't be. It is time that I get it out and adjust to it. I carry it around like a lead weight and that needs to stop."

I reached out and touched his shoulder. I wanted to alleviate some of his pain. "Can I help you with this?"

He turned to me with a surprised look. "Why would you want to? It's a heavy load." He looked back at the sea and you could see his uneasiness abate a little. The moving of the water seemed a balm to his soul.

I joined his gaze on the water. "That's what sisters are for. You've helped me and now it's my turn to help you."

He never met my eyes but as I turned I saw him nod and with that nod I saw his body relax. "I was in an orphanage until I was six. That's what attracted me to you; the age similarity. After the orphanage, which I don't really remember, I was dropped into the foster care system. Why, I don't know. It was a hellish existence going from one awful foster home to another: most went beyond awful all the way to horrendous. A handful of the homes were loving, caring places but I didn't stay there long enough to get what I needed. I learned at a very young age to protect myself and at age fourteen I'd had enough and ran away. I lived out here for almost a year." He motioned to the strip of stores and arcades behind us as the place where he'd lived. "When I found a money bag from one of the shops and turned it into the police they wanted to know how I came to have it and the owner of the store, who'd actually lost it, blamed me. He knew that I was a homeless kid on the block, and that I lived one handout to another and no one would believe me, so off to jail I went. Juvenal Hall is an abysmal place. It is almost as bad as the foster system. They beat me, taunted me and in the end I fought back. My final insult to them was to escape and crash two police cruisers. They had me and were going to take me back when the hand of god intervened: Hetty. She took me home with her and my life changed for the better. There is just one thing." He got a far off look in his eyes again. "I still don't know anything about me."

I understood where his feelings came from but wanted him to understand that even though were not related by blood, we are related by adversity. "You are a good man, why let this bother you. You do have a family…all those Lost Boys and Girls that you helped. Every one of them would love to help you with this."

He took my hand and squeezed it. "You have your mom and Jason, you had Jacob, that's family. That's what I want. I don't even have memories of my mom and dad. I appreciate what you're doing for me but this is something I carry alone. Thank you for listening and caring." He looked back to the ocean as if he needed the calming effect.

I felt a great sorrow for him. I put my arms around him to give him some comfort. "Just know that if you need me, I'm right here. All you have to do is call. Okay?"

He hugged me back. "I'll be okay, but thanks for the support." He looked down at his watch. "It's eleven o'clock and it's a long drive back to your dorm room. Let's get you home." He smirked down at me. "I bet you still have homework to do."

I gave him one of his smirks back. "Yeah I do, but I've got no classes tomorrow so I'll do it then."

He tweaked my nose and we stood from the sand. He shook the blanket and gave it a cursory fold. As we started the long slog through the sand to the car he reached down and took my hand. The gesture seemed like big brother gesture. The drive home was more relaxed but just as quiet.

He walked me to my dorm room, said goodnight and left when I was safely inside.

I didn't see him again for another four years after that night.


	5. Chapter 5

Part V

During the next few years Jason showed more and more signs of his depression. Ever since Jacob's death he'd not been the man my mother and I knew. He used to be out going and fun but that started ebbing away when Jacob was diagnosed. After his death Jason began to withdraw from us more and more. He moved out of Mom's room and into Jacob's. His once vibrant sense of humor dulled to almost nothing. He constantly badgered mom as to how she wasn't sad for my brother or how she could go about life as if nothing had happened. My mom had gone through counseling during my stay at Neverland. She kept telling Jason that it helped her and suggested that he go too. He said he would but he never did. We tried valiantly to keep his spirit up. The only time we saw him upbeat and approaching happy is when I graduated from UCLA. He showed pride and joy for my accomplishments. I was short-lived though. He went downhill quickly after that.

One morning breakfast was prepared by mom and we called up to Jason and he didn't come down. Mom went up to find him dead in his son's room due to an overdose of his prescriptions.

It hit my mother hard, after all she was burying husband number three. I understood at that point how hard my mother's life had been. Miraculously Callen showed up and this time Hetty was with him. Miss Lange took over all the sordid chores that my mother couldn't handle. We buried Jason next to Jacob. It was a hard funeral for both mom and I, but I had my friend to save me once again.

Hetty sat down with my mom to figure out where we were going next, figuratively. My mom has a decent salary but not enough for our house. Hetty offered her the running of Neverland and a really good salary. She took the job and sold our home. She'd be living at Neverland and I had my own apartment by then. Callen offered to help my mother with Neverland until she felt comfortable with the job. It didn't take her long to get the hang of it and Callen left to go back to his everyday job.

Neverland, though not it's formal name, became a place where the city placed children. No one went looking for them anymore. There were just too many to go looking for more. My mom loved the job and the fact that Callen and I helped occasionally made her that much happier.

One night I came to the house to help mom get twin girls settled in what happened to be my old room. They were almost the same age I'd been when I lived there. Callen came through the front door smiling at all the children but something seemed off. Urgency for something seemed to pour from him and I couldn't place what bothered him. His smile seemed like an act. I walked over to talk with him but he shook his head no and I backed off. I watched as he walked into the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee and looked out the back window at something in the yard. I watched him sip the coffee without really tasting it. One of the children called to me and I went to help him with homework. That is usually Callen's job and he never came up which also left me bewildered. When I finished I went back to the kitchen and found Callen's cup sitting on the table half drunk. It isn't like him to leave without saying good-bye. I opened the backdoor and heard a scuffle from the back alley. I thought that one of the children might be out there and it was time for showers and bed so I went to shoo them in.

I turned the corner and found Callen and another man. It shocked me because Callen held a knife that he'd just stabbed the man with and the man began to fall to the alley floor. I backed away silently to the back porch of Neverland. He never saw me.

Callen turned the corner into the yard as he pulled out his phone. "Deeks? Would you please tell Lieutenant Bates we've got a body in an alley off Tremont Street?" The voice on the other end must have asked a question because he sighed as he answered. "Yeah I do, Alexi Comescu. He was here for me. He didn't make it." Again the person on the other end asked a question. Callen rubbed his hand through his crewcut. "No, I'm fine. Yeah I'll be here. Deeks, no sirens or flashing lights, please, I don't want to scare the kids. Have them come quickly. I really don't want one of the kids to find the body. Thanks Deeks." He looked up to find me staring at him. I said nothing, how could I? But he knew. "You saw me?"

I sat on those steps shaking. He walked towards me and I waved him off. I didn't want him near me. "Why? Why did you have to kill him?" Nothing he could have said at that time would have made any difference to me or made me understand. I rose and walked into the house, said good-night to my mom and went home.

After arriving at my apartment I sat in my darkened kitchen nursing a cup of tea and looking out the window at the night sky. I never saw any of those stars. I couldn't get the picture of Callen with a knife, killing that man, out of my head. I'd already called out of work for the next few days. I needed the time to rethink the man who I thought I knew.

At midnight a knock on the door broke my mental wandering. Callen stood there looking like a lost little boy. I also didn't think he'd take no as an answer if I tried to send him away, so I let him in and went back to my chair and the blank stare out the window.

He prepared new tea for me, one for himself and then sat down across from me but I couldn't meet his eyes. He'd betrayed me in a way that I felt I could not forgive. He tried to take my hand which I shook off. I saw in his eyes the pain my action had given him. He shook his head and started speaking to me in a soft voice. "Gabrielle, I need to explain what happened tonight. I want you to understand that it is not how I want to live but have to. It was him or me and if I died he'd have killed everyone in Neverland. I couldn't let that happen. I didn't want to die because I have a reason to live now."

I shrugged off his answer. My tone became cynical and harsh. "Explain to me, how stabbing him was necessary. How taking a life is that important. I thought you were all about saving people. I work with you doing just that. How can you kill him and sound so matter of fact about it?"

He sat back in his chair and I watched him subconsciously argue with himself about what he should tell me. I saw the minute shrug as he threw caution to the wind and decide to go for it. "Back, long before I was born, my grand-father George Callen, had worked with the OSS helping the Romanians fight the Germans. Toward the end of the war there was a shift in power and many Romanians died because of information gathered by my grand-father. Many families lost a great number of their men and one of those families were the Comescus. They swore blood feud on my family. They swore they'd kill us to the last Callen and that is me and anyone else that I consider family. My mother was born in Romania and her and my grandmother escaped to the United States after my grandfather was killed. She went to work for the CIA which ironically sent her back to Romania. She met my father, a Russian operative, and had two children, my sister Amy and me. My father helped other Russians escape from the old Soviet Union. He was caught and sent to a gulag." He stood up and began pacing back and forth in the darkness of my kitchen. I sensed that he'd come to a most difficult part of his story. "My mother realizing that her family was now in danger asked for help but it arrived too late for her. I watched as two men shot her on the beach. They were from the Comescu. Fast forward to tonight, the man in the alley was another Comescu cousin, Alexi Comescu." He breathed a sigh of relief knowing that his story had been told, but he wasn't finished yet. "I'd hoped that you wouldn't come after me into the alley but you did and now I have to deal with the aftermath of that. I just need you to know how important you are to me and I need to know where I stand because of tonight."

Even though the knife in his hand played over and over in my head I understood all that he'd gone through in his life. I can see where 'blood feud' is still a thing in this day and age but I don't understand that much hatred over things done so long ago. I know he did what was needed to protect us but why at Neverland? "How did he find you? How did he find Neverland?"

Callen gave me a look that spoke volumes that I couldn't read. "I didn't take as much care as I should have. I anticipated my visit with you and just went instead of being on guard. I didn't see him until it was too late."

He stood up and came closer to me then he walked behind me and looked out the other window in my kitchen. "It seems every time I went to visit you circumstances prevented me from talking to you and I probably shouldn't say this now but here goes. I don't want this division between us, you mean too much to me. I want more for us. I want us… I love you.

I sat back stunned not only by his proclamation of love but the whole night. When had this whole thing come about? I just knew the time was not right for talk of love. My anger with him made my answers to him cold. My feeling felt jumbled, on one hand I felt like I didn't know him. I never imagined him as a killer and on the other he was my brother, a man I trusted with my life. I couldn't put them together and make sense of it all. "I'm not sure that this is the ideal moment to declare your interest. I'm not sure what I'm feeling right now about anything. Tonight I watched you knife a man to death and now you tell me this? Your feelings are sound I suppose but I just don't know how to handle it." I breathed out a sigh and in a small voice I asked him for patience. "Be patient with me, please." It felt like a lifeline for both him and me.

He nodded to me, rose, picked up the mugs to place in the sink and turned to leave. I sat there in a stupor not sure of what I felt at that moment. He reached for the door knob and turned for one more look, waiting for something more. His eyes begged for some sign of reciprocation but I couldn't give it. "I'll be back tomorrow to see how you're doing. Get some sleep." He opened the door and left.

I let out the breath that I'd been holding. He'd be back tomorrow and what would I do then? Give him the answer he wanted? At this moment I didn't think so. I sat in that chair for most of the night thinking about what happened in that alley and the reasons behind it. I also thought about my feelings for him. There had been childish crushes on the teenage boy who saved me. There were teenage crushes as well and even a college moment when I thought he was the one. I hadn't thought of him like that in a long time. But a sudden thought came, maybe it was just an expected emotion for me. Did I feel it all the time like I felt my heart beating? The knife and my heart had some battling to do that night. I just hoped I could figure it out, if not tomorrow sometime soon. He deserved an answer just like I did.


	6. Chapter 6

Part VI

The next week went by in a whirl, more like a tornado whose winds tore at my heart and brain. I couldn't think straight. One moment I'd see Callen as the savior in the alley where he found me and then the destroyer in the other alley taking that man's life. I didn't know the man who'd saved me so many times. My mom wouldn't have understood. She'd have cut Callen out of our lives so quickly. No I needed to talk with someone else, but who? Since no one else knew about it I had no one to talke to so I opted for Hetty. She knew him better than anyone. I called her and asked to come see her and talk about Callen.

I arrived at one of her many homes that she has in Los Angeles. She met me at the door and led me through her home to the patio in the garden where tea awaited us. She'd always told me that tea was "The Great Soother" and until that day I believed her. I'm not too sure about it anymore.

Hetty passed me a cup and I placed it in front of me and she sat back with hers. "What's wrong Gabrielle? I know you too well for me not to see that something is bothering you and you'd never call me if it wasn't serious." She reached over to pat my hand with a huge grin on her face. "Come on talk with me." She laughed at her quip but quickly stopped when I didn't laugh.

I felt myself go pale. I didn't know exactly how to explain my feelings. "I saw Callen in the alley the last week, with Alexi Comescu and it has... shaken me. I'm having a hard time getting past the knife in his hand. That's not the man I know."

Hetty shook her head at me. "But my dear, that is the man you've always known. He's been trained by some of the best in the world, the US Army, the FBI, the CIA and now NCIS. He is trained to protect our country from people who intend to harm us. It's his job. He'll do anything to protect his country, and mostly his family" She hesitated for a moment before continuing. "He'd even die for them. He'd do anything to protect you, you know that don't you? You know that he has feelings for you and has had them for a long time."

I looked out at Hetty's garden. It was beautiful and incongruous at the same time. It didn't seem like the right place for this conversation. At the same time, I knew that I was avoiding the answer my head wanted to give her but not the one my heart wanted to share. "Yes, he told me. I'll admit it surprised me. I know what I've felt but I gave it credence as a school girl crush. Now I know that it wasn't and seeing him kill a man gave me a look at Callen that I don't know how to process. I see him in my head as a protector, not a killer."

Hetty took a slow sip of her tea while she looked over the rim at me. She took another moment to ponder my perspective. "They can be one and the same, you know. Was there a way to protect you and Neverland, other than what he did? He would have died for you. Would you have preferred that? Because then all of you would be dead as well. That is the Comescu way." She shook her head, looked off into the distance and then continued. "No, the outcome in the alley was as it should be."

I felt a sharp intake of breath as I listened to her speak. I'd heard it before but her description of Callen, the children in the home and my mom dying frightened me and until this moment I hadn't really thought of what life would have been without him. I'd depended on him to save me time and time again. It jolted me from whatever fog I'd been living in for the last few days. "I'm so glad that he didn't die."

Hetty nodded her acceptance of my feelings. "So does that change things in your eyes?"

My head spun with different ideas and feelings and I still didn't quite know how to answer her. "Maybe, maybe not. I'll have to think about it some more"

The small but spritely woman's face gave a grimace of pain. Apparently my answer didn't please her. "Don't think too long Gabrielle." She glanced at her cup of tea, took a sip and watched me over the lip of the cup for another moment. When she put her cup down she expressed what she felt at that moment. "I guess there is nothing I can say to sway you. Finish your tea dear." She stood and went back into the house.

Her dismissal left me depressed and lost but I could see where she came from. I really didn't want to finish my tea so I placed her beautiful cup back in its saucer and stood up. Hetty is known for her flowers so I walked into the garden where her roses are. From where we'd sat, they'd been lovely, but up close they were gorgeous. The scent of all those roses was intoxicating. I bent to smell a purple blossom and when I straightened, Callen stood in front of me holding a white rose. I chuckled to myself about the symbolism of the two roses: purple for passion and white for purity. The symbolism made it quite clear what his intentions meant. He smiled as he offered the rose to me and I returned the smile as I accepted it. I felt that rush as our hands touched and all the negative thoughts of the alley, while not gone, were diminished greatly. I realized that he's been protecting me most of my life and that I was willing to let him do it for the rest of it. He took my hand without a word and led me down the path of roses into the rest of her gardens.

What we didn't know was that Hetty watched from the window in her study and smiled as we joined hands.

Part VII

It has been many years since that first touch behind that Chinese restaurant. Since then there were moments where we knew bliss, like the birth of our daughter, Sarah. We've known great pain when Hetty and my mom passed and one of our Lost Boys died in a hail of gunfire.

I have spent countless nights in ER's waiting for Callen to be stitched up or in waiting rooms as he's been operated on for a gunshot wound. It was his job and it needed to be done.

Now he's retired from NCIS and we both work at Neverland helping all the lost children that we can. No child will ever face what we faced as children.

Gabriella Callen


End file.
